#19 - From Lies to Truth

0:04 Welcome to Mind and Faith Matters. I'm the host, Dr. Cory Potter, and today we're looking at how lies and truths affect us psychologically and what the Bible says about truth. Have you ever played the game Two Truths and a Lie? It's like this icebreaker game where you share three things about yourself. Two of them are true. and one's a lie, and people try to guess which one's made up. It's kind of frightening, but I'm actually really good at that game because I like to joke and tease with people. And it is usually just for fun, but when you think about it, most of us already play this kind of game every day. We tell the truth most of the time, but we tweak a few things here and there, leave out some details, soften the edges. and say something maybe just to keep the peace, or sometimes it's for an advantage we're trying to get. I recently read an article about a month ago about this Harvard professor, Dr. Francesca Gino, and she was doing research on this honesty pledge that you sign when you sign forms, and her research was showing that if you move that honesty statement from the end of the form, where it says, I attest that this is true information and factual and stuff. And you move that to the beginning of the forum. Her research was showing and the data

1:38 was showing that people were more likely to be honest. Well, it turns out that some other academic folks looked into it and realized that there was some... discrepancies or anomalies in the data and she actually was lying when they did further investigation because the responses were recorded in a software and they got access and realized that she had been making up lies about honesty ironically well it's not funny in the sense that she was let go as a tenured faculty member. It hadn't happened at Harvard since 1940.

2:22 And I wish her well. I don't think that I want something bad to happen to her, but I really want us to think about why would this woman do that and risk everything in her career. I think I know some of the answers, and I think when I share some of the ways that or reasons that people lie, You'll come up with the same conclusions that I do, or at least similar. But in fact, research shows most people lie once or twice a day. It's not always about big stuff, though. Often it's like, oh, I'm fine when we're really not fine. Or maybe we're exaggerating on something to sound a little bit more interesting. And over time, though, even small things that we lie about can start to shape how we are perceived by others.

3:12 and even ourselves, really. So I want to start and answer the question, why do we even lie in the first place? And then I want to look at what does it cost us when we lie to ourselves and others? And sometimes it's pretty obvious. We're lying because we're trying to stay out of trouble, avoid a conflict, or save face with others. Other times it's even more subtle. We might say something just to keep the peace, or just spare someone's feelings. You know, other times we're exaggerating a little just to make the story sound more interesting, or we shave off a detail here and there that feels maybe too vulnerable to share with someone.

3:59 And other times we just want to be seen in a certain way, like we're put together, in control, or strong. psychologists break it down into a few bigger buckets of why people lie. The first is self -protection. We learn this as kids. Sometimes we lie to avoid punishment or shame or awkwardness and that doesn't go away when we become adults. Another reason is impression management. We want people to think of us and think well of us when they do. We're trying to impress, of course.

4:40 Another reason is conflict avoidance. We're trying to smooth things over so that no one gets upset. And a fourth reason that people tend to fib, lie, or not tell the truth, for personal gain. You know, we want to gain influence sometimes. Maybe you want to gain attention or approval or some advantage over someone else. And I really think that Dr. Gino probably was looking for personal gain or to impress. Maybe you agree. Most of us aren't doing this with some master plan in mind. It's just something we slip into, because in the moment it feels easier than telling the truth. It's no surprise to me that one of the Ten Commandments says, don't bear false witness.

5:34 In other words, don't lie. And when you think about it, That's really about protecting relationships and God knew it. It wasn't just for the legal system, like tell the truth so that disputes could be handled. God knew that truth creates connection and lies tend to separate and create distance. Research shows that lying activates the amygdala. Again, here I go with the neuroscience, but it's important. It activates the amygdala, the brain's stress center. And when we lie, It sets off this internal alarm. That's why lying can make you feel tense or drained, paranoid or edgy, and even a little distant from the people around you. And there's often a subtle discomfort when we're not being truly and fully honest.

6:29 Like something isn't lining up. It's maybe not that loud inside of you, but it definitely lingers. And here's the tricky part. The more we lie, the more that alarm system gets quiet. Interesting, huh? One study showed that repeated lying dulls the brain's guilt response. We don't feel it as much. When we don't feel it as much, it gets easier to do it again. Like we become immune to it and we're just used to lying. It's like wearing a mask for so long. that you forget that it's really not your real face. And after a while that mask doesn't just hide your face, it starts to shape how you see yourself. You begin to wonder if anyone actually knows the real you, or if you do. And it's not just what happens inside us. Dishonesty touches every part of our relationships too. Even so -called harmless lies slowly chip away at the big T word, trust. They create little cracks in our connection. You may think you're protecting someone by holding something back.

7:43 But most people can feel when something's off. And obviously people can put two and two together and realize that isn't what you said before. So lies also come with this cognitive load too. You have to track what you've said. The liar has to remember what the lie was. And you have to remember who you said it to. Maybe what you left out. And when. And that takes a lot of mental bandwidth or energy you could have been using for something better. Lies stir up emotional stress, guilt, shame, and insecurity. They really do mess with your ability to feel known. And maybe most importantly they erode your relationship with yourself. The more we twist the truth, the more tangled things get inside. You know, it's that quiet guilt. And even if you don't name it, it can make it hard to feel steady or at peace within yourself. And after a while, we start feeling like a version of ourselves that just isn't fully true. And that disconnect can leave us wondering if anyone really knows us.

8:56 It doesn't happen all at once. But over time, the line between honesty and performance gets blurry. You start saying what sounds right instead of what's real. I know people like that. And when that happens, honesty starts to feel risky. But here's the truth underneath all of this. We were made by God for truth. You know, some people equate that to be, I have to be perfect or I have to be brutally honest all times without grace towards people. But what we're made for is truth, realness, wholeness. And when we really step into that as people, even just a little bit from where we might be, it actually lightens the load. So the question then becomes, if dishonesty weighs us down, what does truth give us? Telling the truth, especially when it's uncomfortable, actually frees us up mentally and emotionally.

10:00 It frees space. You know, you don't have to manage stories, protect false impressions, or constantly worry about being found out. You just get to be who you are, where you are, without all the editing in your life. And believe it or not, that's a huge relief to the nervous system. In fact, researchers have found that when people commit to being more honest in daily life, even just cutting back on little white lies, they report lower stress, fewer physical health complaints, better sleep, and stronger relationships. One study even showed people felt happier after being honest, even if it led to a hard conversation.

10:48 It makes sense. Telling the truth takes effort in that moment, but over time, it's lighter to carry. When you stop pretending, you can rest. And when you stop hiding, you can connect. And there's something else honesty gives back that we don't talk about enough. Self -respect. When you're honest, especially when no one really notices if you weren't, it builds trust with yourself. You begin to feel more grounded, more congruent, and more whole. And that is really in line with the Bible. In Proverbs 10 -9 the Bible says, walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out. And Jesus echoed this same heart when he said, let your yes be yes and your no be no in Matthew 5 37. It's a call to simplicity, to truth that doesn't need extra layers or edits, just words people can trust. You can feel secure when you're living with integrity. You're not looking over your shoulder. You're not wondering if your words will catch up with you and As I said, you're on solid ground or you're standing on something solid. And let's connect this back to Jesus for a second. When he said, I am the way, the truth, and the life in John 14 6, he was saying, I am the real, unfiltered, full expression of God.

12:19 So if you're walking with him, truth should be part of our way of life. Not because we're trying to be perfect, but because we're learning to live honestly. before God with ourselves and with others. That kind of truth gives us grace in our lives. It invites closeness with others and it helps people trust you. And as I've said, it helps you to trust yourself too. So if you've ever thought being honest will make things worse here, maybe flip that script. What if being honest is the very thing that starts to make things right? So let me ask you. What does this show up in your life? Are there moments when it feels safer to hide? You know, maybe you've been sidestepping a hard conversation or trying to soften the truth so that no one gets hurt and Maybe your I'm okay has become your default Even when you're anything, but okay, and you're not the only one we all do it sometimes But what we need what you need what I need is honesty. Not just with others, but with ourselves. Kind of honesty that builds that trust. And here's the grace. God sees the whole picture. The moments we've hidden, the words we've softened, the truths we've avoided.

13:50 And still He stays close. That's why we can tell the truth. It's really not because it's easy but because we're already held in love by God. And let's bring this home for a minute. Think about these questions. Where do you tend to edit the truth, even just a little, or maybe leave pieces out altogether? Are there areas where it's just easier to hide? It might be a tough conversation you've been putting off, a detail you've smoothed over for so long so you don't stir anything up. Or just the quiet habit of saying, I'm alright, even when you're not. The goal isn't to pile on guilt, it's to start getting real here. Because truth isn't about laying everything bare at once, it's about coming back to what's honest and whole, piece by piece. Maybe the first step isn't telling everyone everything. Maybe it's just about being honest with yourself. Or with God, who already knows the whole story.

14:52 And like I said, he still loves you. You know, that's what gives us the freedom to tell the truth in the first place. And from there, you'll know what comes next. Let's pray together for a minute. God, thank you that you know us fully and still choose us. Help us to be people of integrity, not just when it's easy, but when it matters most. God, I ask that you give us the courage to speak the truth. love and the humility to receive it when we need to. It will help our relationship so much God and I know you can guide us. We want our lives to reflect who you are. Lord you're full of grace and you're full of truth and Lord we hope that you will help us to be the same. In Jesus name we pray.

15:52 Thanks for joining me today. If this got you thinking, maybe bring it up in your next conversation with someone. And ask each other, where do we tend to hide or edit ourselves? Get into an honest conversation. We don't want to shame each other. We just want to get free from the pressures of pretending. Because the truth really does set us free. And that kind of freedom, it's worth telling the truth for. I would love for you to share this episode with someone that you care about, with someone that needs a courageous conversation about telling the truth. I don't know that I would send this to someone and say, I think you're a liar. You need to hear this. That might not be the best approach, but if this can help someone pass it along, feel free to like this episode, subscribe to the podcast wherever you find it.

16:45 I'm on YouTube and all the audio platforms. Check out my website to see the companion resource guides at mindandfaithmatters .com. Until next time, instead of peace out, I'm going to say truth out. Or maybe it's truth in. I don't know. Yeah, lies out, truth in. That's what I'm going to say. Either way, you know what I'm saying. Have a great day and we'll see you next time.