March 12, 2026
#41 - Why Grief Hurts: The Cost of Loving
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Grief touches every life, though many people struggle to understand what it is and how to process it. In this episode, Dr. Cory Potter explores the psychology of grief, the different forms loss can take, and how Scripture invites honest lament before God. Together we consider how grief reflects the depth of our love and how faith helps us carry it with honesty and hope.
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.279
Welcome to Mind and Faith Matters. I'm your host,
00:00:02.439 --> 00:00:05.120
Dr. Cory Potter. Today we're going to talk about
00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:09.880
grief. What it is, what it does to us, and how
00:00:09.880 --> 00:00:13.960
we can express our grief to God. If you have
00:00:13.960 --> 00:00:17.579
ever lost someone, watched a relationship change,
00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:21.620
or felt the quiet sadness of a chapter ending
00:00:21.620 --> 00:00:24.420
in your life, you already know something about
00:00:24.420 --> 00:00:27.719
grief. Most people think of grief as something
00:00:27.719 --> 00:00:31.539
that happens after death. Sometimes it does.
00:00:32.320 --> 00:00:35.960
A year ago, I lost my dad after a long battle
00:00:35.960 --> 00:00:40.079
with dementia. In many ways, grieving began even
00:00:40.079 --> 00:00:44.219
before his death. As conversations changed, recognition
00:00:44.219 --> 00:00:47.840
shifted, and pieces of his personality altered
00:00:47.840 --> 00:00:51.780
a bit or faded. You can find yourself missing
00:00:51.780 --> 00:00:54.899
someone who is still sitting in front of you,
00:00:55.000 --> 00:00:57.659
even though you still enjoy time in their presence.
00:00:58.969 --> 00:01:03.009
Recently, one of my former youth group students
00:01:03.009 --> 00:01:08.769
died in a car accident at 27. It hit hard. That
00:01:08.769 --> 00:01:13.030
kind of loss comes suddenly. It disrupts plans
00:01:13.030 --> 00:01:17.269
and leaves unanswered questions. And the grief
00:01:17.269 --> 00:01:22.290
that people feel surrounding that is raw. Grief
00:01:22.290 --> 00:01:26.269
also comes from less obvious losses. Friendships
00:01:26.269 --> 00:01:29.930
can grow distant. relationships can change, a
00:01:29.930 --> 00:01:33.969
job can end unexpectedly, or maybe your role
00:01:33.969 --> 00:01:37.650
shifts a lot and sometimes a chapter of your
00:01:37.650 --> 00:01:40.950
life that you expected to continue simply comes
00:01:40.950 --> 00:01:46.730
to an end. Grief is not limited to death. So
00:01:46.730 --> 00:01:50.349
grief is the emotional cost of loving people,
00:01:50.709 --> 00:01:54.290
roles, and life stages in a world where change
00:01:54.290 --> 00:01:58.489
is inevitable. Put more simply, Grief is the
00:01:58.489 --> 00:02:02.590
emotional cost of loving in a world where change
00:02:02.590 --> 00:02:06.670
is inevitable. And some losses are ambiguous.
00:02:07.310 --> 00:02:10.349
A person may still be here, but their relationship
00:02:10.349 --> 00:02:15.129
has changed. A marriage can drift emotionally
00:02:15.129 --> 00:02:19.330
even if it remains intact. Adult children can
00:02:19.330 --> 00:02:22.750
lose connection with parents that they still
00:02:22.750 --> 00:02:27.319
see. A role may still exist, but it no longer
00:02:27.319 --> 00:02:30.300
feels like that familiar home that you're used
00:02:30.300 --> 00:02:34.500
to. And sometimes loss comes suddenly, leaving
00:02:34.500 --> 00:02:38.740
no time to prepare. These unclear or ongoing
00:02:38.740 --> 00:02:42.219
losses can especially cause pain because nothing
00:02:42.219 --> 00:02:45.599
feels fully gone, yet nothing feels the same.
00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:51.000
Some grief is also considered disenfranchised.
00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:55.000
meaning it doesn't always get recognized or supported
00:02:55.000 --> 00:02:58.680
by the people around us. You may grieve the end
00:02:58.680 --> 00:03:02.000
of a relationship that others didn't take seriously
00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:05.520
or feel the ache of estrangement in your family.
00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:09.120
You may mourn a loss that others overlook or
00:03:09.120 --> 00:03:13.219
minimize like a family pet. When grief is not
00:03:13.219 --> 00:03:16.259
acknowledged by your community, it can feel even
00:03:16.259 --> 00:03:19.280
heavier because you're carrying both the loss
00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:22.370
and the sense that you shouldn't be hurting.
00:03:23.729 --> 00:03:27.949
At its core, grief is our emotional, psychological,
00:03:28.949 --> 00:03:33.229
and sometimes physical response to loss. Psychologically,
00:03:33.770 --> 00:03:37.349
grief is a response to attachment. When we bond
00:03:37.349 --> 00:03:41.250
with someone, our nervous system organizes around
00:03:41.250 --> 00:03:45.750
their presence. They become part of how we experience
00:03:45.750 --> 00:03:50.330
safety and stability. When that connection changes
00:03:50.330 --> 00:03:54.310
or disappears the body reacts. You might feel
00:03:54.310 --> 00:03:58.150
an ache in your chest, heaviness in your limbs,
00:03:59.810 --> 00:04:03.330
tears that arrive without warning, tightness
00:04:03.330 --> 00:04:07.129
in your throat, or fatigue that seems out of
00:04:07.129 --> 00:04:10.169
proportion. Don't consider these responses signs
00:04:10.169 --> 00:04:15.310
of weakness. Consider them evidence of connection.
00:04:15.659 --> 00:04:19.899
Grief can also bring intense emotional reactions.
00:04:20.620 --> 00:04:24.000
Some people experience sudden waves of anger
00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:29.019
or deep sadness. Others feel irritable, have
00:04:29.019 --> 00:04:32.500
difficulty concentrating, or have physical symptoms
00:04:32.500 --> 00:04:36.740
like headaches or changes in appetite. Intense
00:04:36.740 --> 00:04:40.000
emotions don't mean that something is wrong with
00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:43.680
you. They reflect meaningful change. as your
00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:48.500
mind and body adjust to the loss. Many people
00:04:48.500 --> 00:04:51.660
are familiar with the five stages of grief, denial,
00:04:52.060 --> 00:04:55.639
anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
00:04:56.699 --> 00:04:59.800
This framework was originally described by psychiatrist
00:04:59.800 --> 00:05:04.199
Elizabeth Kubler -Ross to help explain common
00:05:04.199 --> 00:05:07.459
emotional responses to loss. Denial can feel
00:05:07.459 --> 00:05:11.660
like numbness or disbelief as the mind struggles
00:05:11.660 --> 00:05:16.149
to absorb What has happened? Anger may appear
00:05:16.149 --> 00:05:20.209
as frustration with circumstances other people
00:05:20.209 --> 00:05:25.290
or even with God. Bargaining often sounds like
00:05:25.290 --> 00:05:29.149
what -if thinking, replaying events and imagining
00:05:29.149 --> 00:05:31.250
how things might have turned out differently.
00:05:32.569 --> 00:05:36.230
Depression reflects the weight of the loss settling
00:05:36.230 --> 00:05:40.290
in. Acceptance does not mean the pain disappears.
00:05:40.670 --> 00:05:44.610
It means acknowledging the reality of the loss
00:05:44.610 --> 00:05:49.850
and learning to live with it. And for some that
00:05:49.850 --> 00:05:52.069
are in it right now, you may feel like I can
00:05:52.069 --> 00:05:54.670
never learn to live in it. I'm here to bring
00:05:54.670 --> 00:05:59.949
some hope. It's important to remember that people
00:05:59.949 --> 00:06:03.750
rarely move through these stages in a neat sequence.
00:06:04.449 --> 00:06:07.110
Some people move back and forth between them.
00:06:07.509 --> 00:06:10.560
Others experience only a few. Grief does not
00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:14.980
follow a straight path. From a psychological
00:06:14.980 --> 00:06:19.920
perspective these stages describe common emotional
00:06:19.920 --> 00:06:23.720
responses to loss. From a Christian perspective
00:06:23.720 --> 00:06:27.759
they also remind us that God meets people in
00:06:27.759 --> 00:06:32.019
many different emotional places. Grief moves
00:06:32.019 --> 00:06:37.279
in waves. You may feel anger and steadiness in
00:06:37.279 --> 00:06:41.040
the same day. Relief one moment and sorrow the
00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:45.120
next. That is completely normal. In a Christian
00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:48.540
context, acceptance does not mean pretending
00:06:48.540 --> 00:06:52.420
that the loss does not hurt. It means integrating
00:06:52.420 --> 00:06:55.680
the loss into your story while acknowledging
00:06:55.680 --> 00:06:59.560
what cannot be changed and placing it in God's
00:06:59.560 --> 00:07:03.300
hands. You carry the pain honestly and place
00:07:03.300 --> 00:07:07.579
it before someone who can hold it with you. People
00:07:07.579 --> 00:07:10.180
often move back and forth between confronting
00:07:10.180 --> 00:07:14.740
loss and re -engaging in life. You may wake up
00:07:14.740 --> 00:07:18.199
feeling steady and functional and later in that
00:07:18.199 --> 00:07:22.600
same day feel the ache return and this movement
00:07:22.600 --> 00:07:27.959
is part of how the mind and heart adapt. Faith
00:07:27.959 --> 00:07:31.000
does not eliminate those shifts between emotions,
00:07:31.000 --> 00:07:35.199
but it does help to steady us as we experience
00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:39.819
them. Some losses are visible, like death or
00:07:39.819 --> 00:07:43.959
illness. Others are harder to see. A job may
00:07:43.959 --> 00:07:48.259
unexpectedly end. A season of ministry or a time
00:07:48.259 --> 00:07:51.040
being in the place where you were making a big
00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:55.819
difference may close. In these situations, you're
00:07:55.819 --> 00:07:59.879
not only grieving what is gone, but also the
00:07:59.879 --> 00:08:04.319
life you expected to continue. Sometimes what
00:08:04.319 --> 00:08:09.000
we mourn is a chapter that will not return. And
00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:13.199
this kind of loss can also invite us into lament,
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which is a form of grief expressed directly to
00:08:17.220 --> 00:08:20.699
God. In scripture, we see lament throughout the
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Psalms. These prayers include honest questions,
00:08:25.000 --> 00:08:28.399
sorrow, and confusion spoken directly to God.
00:08:28.939 --> 00:08:32.179
In Psalm 13, David begins with the words, how
00:08:32.179 --> 00:08:36.620
long, Lord? will you forget me forever? He openly
00:08:36.620 --> 00:08:40.600
describes his distress before turning again toward
00:08:40.600 --> 00:08:46.419
trust in God. In Psalm 42 the writer asks, why
00:08:46.419 --> 00:08:50.740
my soul are you downcast? Why so disturbed within
00:08:50.740 --> 00:08:55.639
me? This psalm shows that someone can acknowledge
00:08:55.639 --> 00:08:58.580
deep inner sorrow while still directing their
00:08:58.580 --> 00:09:04.090
hope toward God. Even Jesus voiced lament on
00:09:04.090 --> 00:09:08.529
the cross when he quoted psalm 22 saying my god
00:09:08.529 --> 00:09:13.429
my god why have you forsaken me these passages
00:09:13.429 --> 00:09:15.970
show us that scripture makes room for honest
00:09:15.970 --> 00:09:20.570
grief lament means bringing that grief into relationship
00:09:20.570 --> 00:09:24.129
with god not because everything makes sense it's
00:09:24.129 --> 00:09:28.870
because we trust that he hears us god can handle
00:09:28.870 --> 00:09:32.929
your raw grief He is not unsettled by anger.
00:09:32.950 --> 00:09:35.870
He is not threatened by questions. He is not
00:09:35.870 --> 00:09:40.809
disappointed by your tears. Expressing anger
00:09:40.809 --> 00:09:44.669
or doubt does not mean you lack faith. It is
00:09:44.669 --> 00:09:49.870
part of relating to Him honestly. It might sound
00:09:49.870 --> 00:09:54.230
like this. God, I miss them. I don't understand
00:09:54.230 --> 00:10:01.659
this. This feels so unfair. I'm angry! Help me
00:10:01.659 --> 00:10:06.879
help me to carry this Lament does not remove
00:10:06.879 --> 00:10:11.139
grief It just places our grief in the hands of
00:10:11.139 --> 00:10:15.000
the Lord Even if you're unsure what you believe
00:10:15.000 --> 00:10:19.360
I Want you to be invited and feel welcome to
00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:22.759
speak your sorrow out loud You might speak with
00:10:22.759 --> 00:10:26.320
a trusted friend Write your sorrows and grief
00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:29.080
in a journal or simply acknowledge the grief
00:10:29.080 --> 00:10:33.000
in your own thoughts. Grief becomes heavier when
00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:36.419
it's carried alone. It's important to distinguish
00:10:36.419 --> 00:10:40.740
grief from depression. Grief moves in waves and
00:10:40.740 --> 00:10:44.600
it's closely tied to loss. Depression often spreads
00:10:44.600 --> 00:10:48.639
more broadly and may include persistent helplessness,
00:10:49.059 --> 00:10:51.879
diminished self -worth, and ongoing disruption
00:10:51.879 --> 00:10:56.519
in sleep, appetite. concentration, or motivation.
00:10:57.279 --> 00:11:01.159
In some situations, grief itself can remain intensely
00:11:01.159 --> 00:11:05.240
overwhelming for a long time, and it begins to
00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:08.940
interfere with life. And when that happens, professional
00:11:08.940 --> 00:11:11.799
support can be especially important. Thoughts
00:11:11.799 --> 00:11:14.919
of self -harm require immediate professional
00:11:14.919 --> 00:11:19.379
support. Seeking therapy or medical care during
00:11:19.379 --> 00:11:24.529
grief is really wise. God often works through
00:11:24.529 --> 00:11:28.309
clinicians, supportive communities, and practical
00:11:28.309 --> 00:11:33.529
resources. You've heard it said that people can
00:11:33.529 --> 00:11:36.809
be the hands of God, and grief cannot be solved,
00:11:36.870 --> 00:11:39.490
but it can be tended. One way we begin tending
00:11:39.490 --> 00:11:42.789
grief is by telling the truth. Sometimes that
00:11:42.789 --> 00:11:46.470
means saying out loud, I miss her, or acknowledging
00:11:46.470 --> 00:11:50.490
I'm more angry than I expected. We're admitting
00:11:50.490 --> 00:11:54.830
I feel disoriented without this role. Grief often
00:11:54.830 --> 00:11:59.710
feels more manageable when it is spoken plainly
00:11:59.710 --> 00:12:03.370
instead of carried privately. Connection also
00:12:03.370 --> 00:12:06.629
matters. Sit with someone who knows your story.
00:12:07.149 --> 00:12:10.470
You don't have to explain everything. Presence
00:12:10.470 --> 00:12:13.929
often carries more healing than advice does.
00:12:14.169 --> 00:12:18.309
Small steps back into life matter. A short walk.
00:12:18.519 --> 00:12:21.919
Returning to one simple routine or saying yes
00:12:21.919 --> 00:12:25.659
to one invitation can help you begin to reengage
00:12:25.659 --> 00:12:29.200
in life. Reengaging does not erase the grief.
00:12:30.500 --> 00:12:34.019
It allows life to continue alongside it. Continuing
00:12:34.019 --> 00:12:37.419
bonds matter. Remember stories, carry forward
00:12:37.419 --> 00:12:41.539
values. Let the influence of those you love shape
00:12:41.539 --> 00:12:44.960
the way you live. There is also permission to
00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:48.970
experience joy without guilt. Laughing again
00:12:48.970 --> 00:12:53.730
does not diminish love. Gratitude and sorrow
00:12:53.730 --> 00:12:58.690
can exist together. Christian hope points to
00:12:58.690 --> 00:13:03.149
resurrection. Think about it, resurrection does
00:13:03.149 --> 00:13:07.149
not erase wounds. The risen Christ still bore
00:13:07.149 --> 00:13:12.350
scars. Healing and memory can exist together.
00:13:12.570 --> 00:13:16.750
If you're grieving today, your sorrow makes sense.
00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:20.779
Grief is the emotional cost of loving in a world
00:13:20.779 --> 00:13:24.840
where change is inevitable. You do not have to
00:13:24.840 --> 00:13:27.919
rush through it. You can bring it honestly before
00:13:27.919 --> 00:13:31.639
God. Scripture shows us that God does not turn
00:13:31.639 --> 00:13:36.519
away from grief. He in fact listens to it, receives
00:13:36.519 --> 00:13:40.480
it, and He meets us within it. And I hope you
00:13:40.480 --> 00:13:43.539
find the courage to lament. I hope you have people
00:13:43.539 --> 00:13:46.559
who can sit with you. And I pray you experience
00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:50.259
the nearness of Christ who is acquainted with
00:13:50.259 --> 00:13:53.500
grief. Thank you for listening to Mind and Faith
00:13:53.500 --> 00:13:57.500
Matters. For companion resources to this episode
00:13:57.500 --> 00:14:03.059
including reflections and readings, visit mindandfaithmatters
00:14:03.059 --> 00:14:07.419
.com. All spelled out, mindandfaithmatters .com.
00:14:08.029 --> 00:14:11.289
I want you to know that grief is part of being
00:14:11.289 --> 00:14:16.350
human and walking with God means we never carry
00:14:16.350 --> 00:14:18.809
it alone. God bless.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.279
Welcome to Mind and Faith Matters. I'm your host,
00:00:02.439 --> 00:00:05.120
Dr. Cory Potter. Today we're going to talk about
00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:09.880
grief. What it is, what it does to us, and how
00:00:09.880 --> 00:00:13.960
we can express our grief to God. If you have
00:00:13.960 --> 00:00:17.579
ever lost someone, watched a relationship change,
00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:21.620
or felt the quiet sadness of a chapter ending
00:00:21.620 --> 00:00:24.420
in your life, you already know something about
00:00:24.420 --> 00:00:27.719
grief. Most people think of grief as something
00:00:27.719 --> 00:00:31.539
that happens after death. Sometimes it does.
00:00:32.320 --> 00:00:35.960
A year ago, I lost my dad after a long battle
00:00:35.960 --> 00:00:40.079
with dementia. In many ways, grieving began even
00:00:40.079 --> 00:00:44.219
before his death. As conversations changed, recognition
00:00:44.219 --> 00:00:47.840
shifted, and pieces of his personality altered
00:00:47.840 --> 00:00:51.780
a bit or faded. You can find yourself missing
00:00:51.780 --> 00:00:54.899
someone who is still sitting in front of you,
00:00:55.000 --> 00:00:57.659
even though you still enjoy time in their presence.
00:00:58.969 --> 00:01:03.009
Recently, one of my former youth group students
00:01:03.009 --> 00:01:08.769
died in a car accident at 27. It hit hard. That
00:01:08.769 --> 00:01:13.030
kind of loss comes suddenly. It disrupts plans
00:01:13.030 --> 00:01:17.269
and leaves unanswered questions. And the grief
00:01:17.269 --> 00:01:22.290
that people feel surrounding that is raw. Grief
00:01:22.290 --> 00:01:26.269
also comes from less obvious losses. Friendships
00:01:26.269 --> 00:01:29.930
can grow distant. relationships can change, a
00:01:29.930 --> 00:01:33.969
job can end unexpectedly, or maybe your role
00:01:33.969 --> 00:01:37.650
shifts a lot and sometimes a chapter of your
00:01:37.650 --> 00:01:40.950
life that you expected to continue simply comes
00:01:40.950 --> 00:01:46.730
to an end. Grief is not limited to death. So
00:01:46.730 --> 00:01:50.349
grief is the emotional cost of loving people,
00:01:50.709 --> 00:01:54.290
roles, and life stages in a world where change
00:01:54.290 --> 00:01:58.489
is inevitable. Put more simply, Grief is the
00:01:58.489 --> 00:02:02.590
emotional cost of loving in a world where change
00:02:02.590 --> 00:02:06.670
is inevitable. And some losses are ambiguous.
00:02:07.310 --> 00:02:10.349
A person may still be here, but their relationship
00:02:10.349 --> 00:02:15.129
has changed. A marriage can drift emotionally
00:02:15.129 --> 00:02:19.330
even if it remains intact. Adult children can
00:02:19.330 --> 00:02:22.750
lose connection with parents that they still
00:02:22.750 --> 00:02:27.319
see. A role may still exist, but it no longer
00:02:27.319 --> 00:02:30.300
feels like that familiar home that you're used
00:02:30.300 --> 00:02:34.500
to. And sometimes loss comes suddenly, leaving
00:02:34.500 --> 00:02:38.740
no time to prepare. These unclear or ongoing
00:02:38.740 --> 00:02:42.219
losses can especially cause pain because nothing
00:02:42.219 --> 00:02:45.599
feels fully gone, yet nothing feels the same.
00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:51.000
Some grief is also considered disenfranchised.
00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:55.000
meaning it doesn't always get recognized or supported
00:02:55.000 --> 00:02:58.680
by the people around us. You may grieve the end
00:02:58.680 --> 00:03:02.000
of a relationship that others didn't take seriously
00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:05.520
or feel the ache of estrangement in your family.
00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:09.120
You may mourn a loss that others overlook or
00:03:09.120 --> 00:03:13.219
minimize like a family pet. When grief is not
00:03:13.219 --> 00:03:16.259
acknowledged by your community, it can feel even
00:03:16.259 --> 00:03:19.280
heavier because you're carrying both the loss
00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:22.370
and the sense that you shouldn't be hurting.
00:03:23.729 --> 00:03:27.949
At its core, grief is our emotional, psychological,
00:03:28.949 --> 00:03:33.229
and sometimes physical response to loss. Psychologically,
00:03:33.770 --> 00:03:37.349
grief is a response to attachment. When we bond
00:03:37.349 --> 00:03:41.250
with someone, our nervous system organizes around
00:03:41.250 --> 00:03:45.750
their presence. They become part of how we experience
00:03:45.750 --> 00:03:50.330
safety and stability. When that connection changes
00:03:50.330 --> 00:03:54.310
or disappears the body reacts. You might feel
00:03:54.310 --> 00:03:58.150
an ache in your chest, heaviness in your limbs,
00:03:59.810 --> 00:04:03.330
tears that arrive without warning, tightness
00:04:03.330 --> 00:04:07.129
in your throat, or fatigue that seems out of
00:04:07.129 --> 00:04:10.169
proportion. Don't consider these responses signs
00:04:10.169 --> 00:04:15.310
of weakness. Consider them evidence of connection.
00:04:15.659 --> 00:04:19.899
Grief can also bring intense emotional reactions.
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Some people experience sudden waves of anger
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or deep sadness. Others feel irritable, have
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difficulty concentrating, or have physical symptoms
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like headaches or changes in appetite. Intense
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emotions don't mean that something is wrong with
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you. They reflect meaningful change. as your
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mind and body adjust to the loss. Many people
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are familiar with the five stages of grief, denial,
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anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
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This framework was originally described by psychiatrist
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Elizabeth Kubler -Ross to help explain common
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emotional responses to loss. Denial can feel
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like numbness or disbelief as the mind struggles
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to absorb What has happened? Anger may appear
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as frustration with circumstances other people
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or even with God. Bargaining often sounds like
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what -if thinking, replaying events and imagining
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how things might have turned out differently.
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Depression reflects the weight of the loss settling
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in. Acceptance does not mean the pain disappears.
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It means acknowledging the reality of the loss
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and learning to live with it. And for some that
00:05:49.850 --> 00:05:52.069
are in it right now, you may feel like I can
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never learn to live in it. I'm here to bring
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some hope. It's important to remember that people
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rarely move through these stages in a neat sequence.
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Some people move back and forth between them.
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Others experience only a few. Grief does not
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follow a straight path. From a psychological
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perspective these stages describe common emotional
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responses to loss. From a Christian perspective
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they also remind us that God meets people in
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many different emotional places. Grief moves
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in waves. You may feel anger and steadiness in
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the same day. Relief one moment and sorrow the
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next. That is completely normal. In a Christian
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context, acceptance does not mean pretending
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that the loss does not hurt. It means integrating
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the loss into your story while acknowledging
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what cannot be changed and placing it in God's
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hands. You carry the pain honestly and place
00:07:03.300 --> 00:07:07.579
it before someone who can hold it with you. People
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often move back and forth between confronting
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loss and re -engaging in life. You may wake up
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feeling steady and functional and later in that
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same day feel the ache return and this movement
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is part of how the mind and heart adapt. Faith
00:07:27.959 --> 00:07:31.000
does not eliminate those shifts between emotions,
00:07:31.000 --> 00:07:35.199
but it does help to steady us as we experience
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them. Some losses are visible, like death or
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illness. Others are harder to see. A job may
00:07:43.959 --> 00:07:48.259
unexpectedly end. A season of ministry or a time
00:07:48.259 --> 00:07:51.040
being in the place where you were making a big
00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:55.819
difference may close. In these situations, you're
00:07:55.819 --> 00:07:59.879
not only grieving what is gone, but also the
00:07:59.879 --> 00:08:04.319
life you expected to continue. Sometimes what
00:08:04.319 --> 00:08:09.000
we mourn is a chapter that will not return. And
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this kind of loss can also invite us into lament,
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which is a form of grief expressed directly to
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God. In scripture, we see lament throughout the
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Psalms. These prayers include honest questions,
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sorrow, and confusion spoken directly to God.
00:08:28.939 --> 00:08:32.179
In Psalm 13, David begins with the words, how
00:08:32.179 --> 00:08:36.620
long, Lord? will you forget me forever? He openly
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describes his distress before turning again toward
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trust in God. In Psalm 42 the writer asks, why
00:08:46.419 --> 00:08:50.740
my soul are you downcast? Why so disturbed within
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me? This psalm shows that someone can acknowledge
00:08:55.639 --> 00:08:58.580
deep inner sorrow while still directing their
00:08:58.580 --> 00:09:04.090
hope toward God. Even Jesus voiced lament on
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the cross when he quoted psalm 22 saying my god
00:09:08.529 --> 00:09:13.429
my god why have you forsaken me these passages
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show us that scripture makes room for honest
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grief lament means bringing that grief into relationship
00:09:20.570 --> 00:09:24.129
with god not because everything makes sense it's
00:09:24.129 --> 00:09:28.870
because we trust that he hears us god can handle
00:09:28.870 --> 00:09:32.929
your raw grief He is not unsettled by anger.
00:09:32.950 --> 00:09:35.870
He is not threatened by questions. He is not
00:09:35.870 --> 00:09:40.809
disappointed by your tears. Expressing anger
00:09:40.809 --> 00:09:44.669
or doubt does not mean you lack faith. It is
00:09:44.669 --> 00:09:49.870
part of relating to Him honestly. It might sound
00:09:49.870 --> 00:09:54.230
like this. God, I miss them. I don't understand
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this. This feels so unfair. I'm angry! Help me
00:10:01.659 --> 00:10:06.879
help me to carry this Lament does not remove
00:10:06.879 --> 00:10:11.139
grief It just places our grief in the hands of
00:10:11.139 --> 00:10:15.000
the Lord Even if you're unsure what you believe
00:10:15.000 --> 00:10:19.360
I Want you to be invited and feel welcome to
00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:22.759
speak your sorrow out loud You might speak with
00:10:22.759 --> 00:10:26.320
a trusted friend Write your sorrows and grief
00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:29.080
in a journal or simply acknowledge the grief
00:10:29.080 --> 00:10:33.000
in your own thoughts. Grief becomes heavier when
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it's carried alone. It's important to distinguish
00:10:36.419 --> 00:10:40.740
grief from depression. Grief moves in waves and
00:10:40.740 --> 00:10:44.600
it's closely tied to loss. Depression often spreads
00:10:44.600 --> 00:10:48.639
more broadly and may include persistent helplessness,
00:10:49.059 --> 00:10:51.879
diminished self -worth, and ongoing disruption
00:10:51.879 --> 00:10:56.519
in sleep, appetite. concentration, or motivation.
00:10:57.279 --> 00:11:01.159
In some situations, grief itself can remain intensely
00:11:01.159 --> 00:11:05.240
overwhelming for a long time, and it begins to
00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:08.940
interfere with life. And when that happens, professional
00:11:08.940 --> 00:11:11.799
support can be especially important. Thoughts
00:11:11.799 --> 00:11:14.919
of self -harm require immediate professional
00:11:14.919 --> 00:11:19.379
support. Seeking therapy or medical care during
00:11:19.379 --> 00:11:24.529
grief is really wise. God often works through
00:11:24.529 --> 00:11:28.309
clinicians, supportive communities, and practical
00:11:28.309 --> 00:11:33.529
resources. You've heard it said that people can
00:11:33.529 --> 00:11:36.809
be the hands of God, and grief cannot be solved,
00:11:36.870 --> 00:11:39.490
but it can be tended. One way we begin tending
00:11:39.490 --> 00:11:42.789
grief is by telling the truth. Sometimes that
00:11:42.789 --> 00:11:46.470
means saying out loud, I miss her, or acknowledging
00:11:46.470 --> 00:11:50.490
I'm more angry than I expected. We're admitting
00:11:50.490 --> 00:11:54.830
I feel disoriented without this role. Grief often
00:11:54.830 --> 00:11:59.710
feels more manageable when it is spoken plainly
00:11:59.710 --> 00:12:03.370
instead of carried privately. Connection also
00:12:03.370 --> 00:12:06.629
matters. Sit with someone who knows your story.
00:12:07.149 --> 00:12:10.470
You don't have to explain everything. Presence
00:12:10.470 --> 00:12:13.929
often carries more healing than advice does.
00:12:14.169 --> 00:12:18.309
Small steps back into life matter. A short walk.
00:12:18.519 --> 00:12:21.919
Returning to one simple routine or saying yes
00:12:21.919 --> 00:12:25.659
to one invitation can help you begin to reengage
00:12:25.659 --> 00:12:29.200
in life. Reengaging does not erase the grief.
00:12:30.500 --> 00:12:34.019
It allows life to continue alongside it. Continuing
00:12:34.019 --> 00:12:37.419
bonds matter. Remember stories, carry forward
00:12:37.419 --> 00:12:41.539
values. Let the influence of those you love shape
00:12:41.539 --> 00:12:44.960
the way you live. There is also permission to
00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:48.970
experience joy without guilt. Laughing again
00:12:48.970 --> 00:12:53.730
does not diminish love. Gratitude and sorrow
00:12:53.730 --> 00:12:58.690
can exist together. Christian hope points to
00:12:58.690 --> 00:13:03.149
resurrection. Think about it, resurrection does
00:13:03.149 --> 00:13:07.149
not erase wounds. The risen Christ still bore
00:13:07.149 --> 00:13:12.350
scars. Healing and memory can exist together.
00:13:12.570 --> 00:13:16.750
If you're grieving today, your sorrow makes sense.
00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:20.779
Grief is the emotional cost of loving in a world
00:13:20.779 --> 00:13:24.840
where change is inevitable. You do not have to
00:13:24.840 --> 00:13:27.919
rush through it. You can bring it honestly before
00:13:27.919 --> 00:13:31.639
God. Scripture shows us that God does not turn
00:13:31.639 --> 00:13:36.519
away from grief. He in fact listens to it, receives
00:13:36.519 --> 00:13:40.480
it, and He meets us within it. And I hope you
00:13:40.480 --> 00:13:43.539
find the courage to lament. I hope you have people
00:13:43.539 --> 00:13:46.559
who can sit with you. And I pray you experience
00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:50.259
the nearness of Christ who is acquainted with
00:13:50.259 --> 00:13:53.500
grief. Thank you for listening to Mind and Faith
00:13:53.500 --> 00:13:57.500
Matters. For companion resources to this episode
00:13:57.500 --> 00:14:03.059
including reflections and readings, visit mindandfaithmatters
00:14:03.059 --> 00:14:07.419
.com. All spelled out, mindandfaithmatters .com.
00:14:08.029 --> 00:14:11.289
I want you to know that grief is part of being
00:14:11.289 --> 00:14:16.350
human and walking with God means we never carry
00:14:16.350 --> 00:14:18.809
it alone. God bless.
