#19 - From Lies to Truth

WEBVTT

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Welcome to Mind and Faith Matters. I'm the host,

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Dr. Cory Potter, and today we're looking at

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how lies and truths affect us psychologically

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and what the Bible says about truth. Have you

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ever played the game Two Truths and a Lie? It's

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like this icebreaker game where you share three

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things about yourself. Two of them are true.

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and one's a lie, and people try to guess which

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one's made up. It's kind of frightening, but

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I'm actually really good at that game because

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I like to joke and tease with people. And it

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is usually just for fun, but when you think about

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it, most of us already play this kind of game

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every day. We tell the truth most of the time,

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but we tweak a few things here and there, leave

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out some details, soften the edges. and say something

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maybe just to keep the peace, or sometimes it's

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for an advantage we're trying to get. I recently

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read an article about a month ago about this

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Harvard professor, Dr. Francesca Gino, and she

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was doing research on this honesty pledge that

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you sign when you sign forms, and her research

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was showing that if you move that honesty statement

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from the end of the form, where it says, I attest

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that this is true information and factual and

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stuff. And you move that to the beginning of

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the forum. Her research was showing and the data

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was showing that people were more likely to be

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honest. Well, it turns out that some other academic

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folks looked into it and realized that there

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was some... discrepancies or anomalies in the

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data and she actually was lying when they did

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further investigation because the responses were

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recorded in a software and they got access and

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realized that she had been making up lies about

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honesty ironically well it's not funny in the

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sense that she was let go as a tenured faculty

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member. It hadn't happened at Harvard since 1940.

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And I wish her well. I don't think that I want

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something bad to happen to her, but I really

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want us to think about why would this woman do

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that and risk everything in her career. I think

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I know some of the answers, and I think when

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I share some of the ways that or reasons that

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people lie, You'll come up with the same conclusions

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that I do, or at least similar. But in fact,

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research shows most people lie once or twice

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a day. It's not always about big stuff, though.

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Often it's like, oh, I'm fine when we're really

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not fine. Or maybe we're exaggerating on something

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to sound a little bit more interesting. And over

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time, though, even small things that we lie about

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can start to shape how we are perceived by others.

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and even ourselves, really. So I want to start

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and answer the question, why do we even lie in

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the first place? And then I want to look at what

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does it cost us when we lie to ourselves and

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others? And sometimes it's pretty obvious. We're

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lying because we're trying to stay out of trouble,

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avoid a conflict, or save face with others. Other

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times it's even more subtle. We might say something

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just to keep the peace, or just spare someone's

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feelings. You know, other times we're exaggerating

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a little just to make the story sound more interesting,

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or we shave off a detail here and there that

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feels maybe too vulnerable to share with someone.

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And other times we just want to be seen in a

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certain way, like we're put together, in control,

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or strong. psychologists break it down into a

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few bigger buckets of why people lie. The first

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is self -protection. We learn this as kids. Sometimes

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we lie to avoid punishment or shame or awkwardness

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and that doesn't go away when we become adults.

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Another reason is impression management. We want

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people to think of us and think well of us when

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they do. We're trying to impress, of course.

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Another reason is conflict avoidance. We're trying

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to smooth things over so that no one gets upset.

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And a fourth reason that people tend to fib,

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lie, or not tell the truth, for personal gain.

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You know, we want to gain influence sometimes.

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Maybe you want to gain attention or approval

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or some advantage over someone else. And I really

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think that Dr. Gino probably was looking for

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personal gain or to impress. Maybe you agree.

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Most of us aren't doing this with some master

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plan in mind. It's just something we slip into,

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because in the moment it feels easier than telling

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the truth. It's no surprise to me that one of

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the Ten Commandments says, don't bear false witness.

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In other words, don't lie. And when you think

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about it, That's really about protecting relationships

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and God knew it. It wasn't just for the legal

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system, like tell the truth so that disputes

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could be handled. God knew that truth creates

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connection and lies tend to separate and create

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distance. Research shows that lying activates

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the amygdala. Again, here I go with the neuroscience,

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but it's important. It activates the amygdala,

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the brain's stress center. And when we lie, It

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sets off this internal alarm. That's why lying

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can make you feel tense or drained, paranoid

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or edgy, and even a little distant from the people

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around you. And there's often a subtle discomfort

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when we're not being truly and fully honest.

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Like something isn't lining up. It's maybe not

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that loud inside of you, but it definitely lingers.

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And here's the tricky part. The more we lie,

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the more that alarm system gets quiet. Interesting,

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huh? One study showed that repeated lying dulls

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the brain's guilt response. We don't feel it

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as much. When we don't feel it as much, it gets

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easier to do it again. Like we become immune

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to it and we're just used to lying. It's like

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wearing a mask for so long. that you forget that

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it's really not your real face. And after a while

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that mask doesn't just hide your face, it starts

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to shape how you see yourself. You begin to wonder

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if anyone actually knows the real you, or if

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you do. And it's not just what happens inside

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us. Dishonesty touches every part of our relationships

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too. Even so -called harmless lies slowly chip

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away at the big T word, trust. They create little

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cracks in our connection. You may think you're

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protecting someone by holding something back.

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But most people can feel when something's off.

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And obviously people can put two and two together

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and realize that isn't what you said before.

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So lies also come with this cognitive load too.

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You have to track what you've said. The liar

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has to remember what the lie was. And you have

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to remember who you said it to. Maybe what you

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left out. And when. And that takes a lot of mental

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bandwidth or energy you could have been using

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for something better. Lies stir up emotional

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stress, guilt, shame, and insecurity. They really

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do mess with your ability to feel known. And

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maybe most importantly they erode your relationship

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with yourself. The more we twist the truth, the

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more tangled things get inside. You know, it's

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that quiet guilt. And even if you don't name

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it, it can make it hard to feel steady or at

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peace within yourself. And after a while, we

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start feeling like a version of ourselves that

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just isn't fully true. And that disconnect can

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leave us wondering if anyone really knows us.

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It doesn't happen all at once. But over time,

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the line between honesty and performance gets

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blurry. You start saying what sounds right instead

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of what's real. I know people like that. And

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when that happens, honesty starts to feel risky.

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But here's the truth underneath all of this.

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We were made by God for truth. You know, some

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people equate that to be, I have to be perfect

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or I have to be brutally honest all times without

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grace towards people. But what we're made for

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is truth, realness, wholeness. And when we really

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step into that as people, even just a little

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bit from where we might be, it actually lightens

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the load. So the question then becomes, if dishonesty

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weighs us down, what does truth give us? Telling

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the truth, especially when it's uncomfortable,

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actually frees us up mentally and emotionally.

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It frees space. You know, you don't have to manage

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stories, protect false impressions, or constantly

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worry about being found out. You just get to

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be who you are, where you are, without all the

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editing in your life. And believe it or not,

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that's a huge relief to the nervous system. In

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fact, researchers have found that when people

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commit to being more honest in daily life, even

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just cutting back on little white lies, they

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report lower stress, fewer physical health complaints,

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better sleep, and stronger relationships. One

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study even showed people felt happier after being

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honest, even if it led to a hard conversation.

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It makes sense. Telling the truth takes effort

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in that moment, but over time, it's lighter to

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carry. When you stop pretending, you can rest.

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And when you stop hiding, you can connect. And

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there's something else honesty gives back that

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we don't talk about enough. Self -respect. When

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you're honest, especially when no one really

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notices if you weren't, it builds trust with

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yourself. You begin to feel more grounded, more

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congruent, and more whole. And that is really

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in line with the Bible. In Proverbs 10 -9 the

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Bible says, walks securely, but whoever takes

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crooked paths will be found out. And Jesus echoed

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this same heart when he said, let your yes be

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yes and your no be no in Matthew 5 37. It's a

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call to simplicity, to truth that doesn't need

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extra layers or edits, just words people can

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trust. You can feel secure when you're living

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with integrity. You're not looking over your

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shoulder. You're not wondering if your words

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will catch up with you and As I said, you're

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on solid ground or you're standing on something

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solid. And let's connect this back to Jesus for

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a second. When he said, I am the way, the truth,

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and the life in John 14 6, he was saying, I am

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the real, unfiltered, full expression of God.

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So if you're walking with him, truth should be

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part of our way of life. Not because we're trying

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to be perfect, but because we're learning to

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live honestly. before God with ourselves and

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with others. That kind of truth gives us grace

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in our lives. It invites closeness with others

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and it helps people trust you. And as I've said,

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it helps you to trust yourself too. So if you've

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ever thought being honest will make things worse

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here, maybe flip that script. What if being honest

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is the very thing that starts to make things

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right? So let me ask you. What does this show

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up in your life? Are there moments when it feels

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safer to hide? You know, maybe you've been sidestepping

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a hard conversation or trying to soften the truth

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so that no one gets hurt and Maybe your I'm okay

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has become your default Even when you're anything,

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but okay, and you're not the only one we all

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do it sometimes But what we need what you need

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what I need is honesty. Not just with others,

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but with ourselves. Kind of honesty that builds

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that trust. And here's the grace. God sees the

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whole picture. The moments we've hidden, the

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words we've softened, the truths we've avoided.

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And still He stays close. That's why we can tell

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the truth. It's really not because it's easy

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but because we're already held in love by God.

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And let's bring this home for a minute. Think

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about these questions. Where do you tend to edit

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the truth, even just a little, or maybe leave

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pieces out altogether? Are there areas where

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it's just easier to hide? It might be a tough

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conversation you've been putting off, a detail

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you've smoothed over for so long so you don't

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stir anything up. Or just the quiet habit of

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saying, I'm alright, even when you're not. The

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goal isn't to pile on guilt, it's to start getting

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real here. Because truth isn't about laying everything

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bare at once, it's about coming back to what's

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honest and whole, piece by piece. Maybe the first

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step isn't telling everyone everything. Maybe

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it's just about being honest with yourself. Or

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with God, who already knows the whole story.

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And like I said, he still loves you. You know,

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that's what gives us the freedom to tell the

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truth in the first place. And from there, you'll

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know what comes next. Let's pray together for

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a minute. God, thank you that you know us fully

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and still choose us. Help us to be people of

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integrity, not just when it's easy, but when

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it matters most. God, I ask that you give us

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the courage to speak the truth. love and the

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humility to receive it when we need to. It will

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help our relationship so much God and I know

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you can guide us. We want our lives to reflect

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who you are. Lord you're full of grace and you're

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full of truth and Lord we hope that you will

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help us to be the same. In Jesus name we pray.

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Thanks for joining me today. If this got you

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thinking, maybe bring it up in your next conversation

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with someone. And ask each other, where do we

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tend to hide or edit ourselves? Get into an honest

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conversation. We don't want to shame each other.

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We just want to get free from the pressures of

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pretending. Because the truth really does set

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us free. And that kind of freedom, it's worth

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telling the truth for. I would love for you to

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share this episode with someone that you care

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about, with someone that needs a courageous conversation

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about telling the truth. I don't know that I

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would send this to someone and say, I think you're

00:16:32.470 --> 00:16:34.330
a liar. You need to hear this. That might not

00:16:34.330 --> 00:16:37.769
be the best approach, but if this can help someone

00:16:37.769 --> 00:16:41.730
pass it along, feel free to like this episode,

00:16:42.190 --> 00:16:45.809
subscribe to the podcast wherever you find it.

00:16:45.820 --> 00:16:50.259
I'm on YouTube and all the audio platforms. Check

00:16:50.259 --> 00:16:52.940
out my website to see the companion resource

00:16:52.940 --> 00:16:58.480
guides at mindandfaithmatters .com. Until next

00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:01.700
time, instead of peace out, I'm going to say

00:17:01.700 --> 00:17:06.579
truth out. Or maybe it's truth in. I don't know.

00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:09.519
Yeah, lies out, truth in. That's what I'm going

00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:12.380
to say. Either way, you know what I'm saying.

00:17:12.779 --> 00:17:15.440
Have a great day and we'll see you next time.